When To Break Up With Your Best Friend

6 October 2018


You’re in your mid-twenties, you’re realizing your truest self and so by now you’ve probably already learned that people actually do change. On the way to becoming you, you’ve made new friendships, left and started new jobs, started travelling, sparked a few romantic relationships, all while saying almost nothing to the many people you’ve let walk out of your life. And as harsh as that sounds, it’s really not. Growing apart and saying and doing nothing is just a part of life’s natural selection. In most cases, it causes zero tension (chances are, you’ll still have each other on social media and have awkward encounters IRL).  What does suck is when you’ve got to make the irreversible decision of letting go yourself. Yeah, I’m talking about breakups! Breakups happen — they’re usually expected when things start to go wrong in romantic relationships. But what usually isn’t expected is breaking up with a best friend.

Like all types of relationships, best friends have their ups and downs and change throughout the years. But since best friendships start from childhood, we sometimes put these relationships on a pedestal and fail to see what’s actually wrong with them. And just like yourself,  your best friend has changed too. Sometimes these changes can cause you two to evolve and grow together and sometimes the universe decides to take you on two separate journeys which can cause the both of you to bump heads (a lot). This is where things start to get difficult and a little toxic. Now, before I get into the point of this post, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to bash the once-in-a-lifetime-bond of best friends, but there should be another common ground glueing the relationship together besides the past.

Breaking up with your best friend will probably be one of the hardest and most painful decisions you’ll ever have to make in your life — but it can be one of the most healthiest.  But if your once go-to person is now the person that is causing you pain and affecting your mental health, you might want to reevaluate your friendship. So, when is it time to say goodbye? There isn’t a definite answer, you’ll just know it when you feel it.
But here are a few indications that it’s time to break up with your bestie.

1. You constantly feel controlled
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Quit switching on and off. Since you’re now realizing who you truly are as an adult, there shouldn’t be any reason for you to not act like your authentic self. Do you feel like you're manipulated to be someone you’re not every time you’re around your best friend and/or with her new clique? If so, pull a Lil' J and make your own rules.

2. There’s unequal effort
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No matter what end you’re on, one-sided relationships are the worst. If you’re noticing you or your bestie are lacking balance and motivation to put effort into seeing or speaking with each other, quit wasting time and energy. The unequal effort in a friendship can take a huge toll on your self-esteem. Remember, having time and making time are two different things.

3. Somebody's Jealous 
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People you know are now getting engaged, starting careers, buying cars and travelling the world — and maybe you’re one of them. But instead of running to your so-called best friend with good news like old times, you’re afraid of what she or he may say due to past jealousy-powered conversations. Friends are supposed to be supportive. Friendships should never feel like a competition. The worst is when your best friend is jealous of your other group of friends. And let’s face it, insecure relationships suck!

4. Bad Over Good
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Friendships are meant to be enjoyable. But if you find that you're constantly exhausted with negative interaction, give the friendship a break or call it quits. Like all relationships, compatibility and understanding each other and each other’s boundaries are key.

5. Your Best Friend Refuses to Get Along with Your S.O.
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Settling down with a partner is a big leap in your adult life. And as a grown-up, you expect your BFF would think the same. But instead of being supportive of your decision and the partner you’ve chosen, your best friend refuses to put any effort into getting to know your significant other and instead, continues to criticize the actions in your romantic relationship. If you’re in this situation, think long and hard about breaking up with your best friend. Talking it out is very important — the last thing you want is to lose your best friend over someone you may potentially spend the rest of your life with.
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